Transitions

It's this time of the year again. The time when you realize another year has passed, and you are a year older, closer to the inevitable end. Though it may sound gruesome, you know it is true, and I am not being ominous or pessimistic. Just thinking.

Yes, you guessed it, in a few days it's my birthday. And as I often do, I take a moment to look back and think over the time period between today and last year. And many times the only thing I can think of is "wow, who would have guessed..?"

Really, have you ever done this? Have you ever wondered about where and how you are now, looking back at your circumstances and wondering whether you could have done better? Or who knows, even worse? It is a strange and interesting process, it always brings up questions that demand an answer, and that causes a crisis, an internal crisis of the mind.

Do you know what "crisis" is? Often we just take a word and use it, having a "feeling" about its meaning, but not knowing its true value. It's only natural since language is something passed on to us, and therefore its understanding is strongly based on the understanding our teacher has. Add to that the fact that most of us never go through the process of searching deeper, and you have an alteration, a small alteration which, passed on through the ages, results in a great difference from the original meaning. 

So, "crisis". The word comes from Greek ("κρίση", krísi) and means "judgement". So, in its base, the meaning is not bad, as judgement is there to set things right, to eliminate what is not good and restore balance. It is us who have come to view judgement as something wrong, because most of the time we are the ones being judged, and it is only easier and simpler to point fingers than to admit being at fault.

So this is what goes through my mind, and I imagine through all of your minds, when the time comes to look back and do the math. It is the time to judge the bad decisions from the good, to weigh the pros and the cons and to make a decision. A decision as simple and easy as it is complex and difficult.

It's my impression that our lives follow a binary path. At every point we are posed with a decision to make, and based on that decision we take a direction or another. It may seem at times that we are presented with a plethora of decisions or that we do not have a choice, but there are always two paths: accept or reject. It is almost as if we were a Markov Chain each, evolving in time, forming our own trace on the field of possible choices, determining ourselves as individuals and affecting other chains in a multivariate dynamic system. A Markov Chain, by the way, is a process of steps, decisions, where each step is dependent solely on the previous. And this is how we are: we can only proceed to the next step from the current, but the previous do not affect us immediately. The experience, the choices, every single step we have taken, has contributed to our being here, in this very moment, in this very state, but that's as far as it goes. What we do from now on, is based entirely on our current state.

So, as you may have guessed, transient periods do have this effect on me, where everything seems to merge into one big mass of correlated matters and issues. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am a year older. It might be because of how things are around me, widely speaking. It might well be due to the nostalgia of those saint days when the world was not my problem and all I had to do was work on my homework and go play. Ah, well, I guess that's just the way it goes...

But I do feel kind of lucky. I got to know those days, the days when someone else was looking out for me, and I had the chance to be carefree and enjoy what every kid should. At the same time, I feel sorry and scared for those about to come, for those kids that are growing now and are facing what we are preparing for them. It is us who scare me, no one else. We live in a world where self-preservation and greed are ruling over common sense and respect, where people shoot each other out of boredom and where laws are "voted" by single individuals. Not a parliament where every individual votes for their sake, a parliament where one individual votes for all. Combine the previous, and see what comes out.

I am not going to talk about politics. I am actively avoiding it, although it has become really hard lately. But it cannot be denied that ours is not the world one would like his child to be born into. It is a beautiful world, an amazing world and it has every good thing in it. But it also has us, and we are doing our best to ruin it, for the interest of a handful of people. It is pride and stubbornness that will be the cause of our demise, and it is most certainly arrogance that will impede our clear judgement when the crisis strikes. I hope you got the wordplay.

Today I watched a video where a law was passed by a person voting all by himself. A few months ago I read about a World War II veteran beaten to death by teenagers who had been bored out of their heads. Last week there was the (still active at the time of writing) issue of Syria, with the great world forces ready to claw each other's eyes out. Last year I watched a video of a two-year old child being run over by a car in China. And here I am, trying to make a living for myself and my family... hoping to make my world a little better place.

So, happy early birthday to me! A week from now I will be older. Although... is it the years that make you feel old..?

Ranting bosons

I woke up today and for some unbeknown reason I had all these weird thoughts in my head. It all began a few years back, but really came back to me the other night when I was watching a film about aliens.

Yes, I know how it sounds. Aliens, weird people, conspiracy theories and whatnot. But it really is something else. 

The film I was watching began with a quote by Arthur C. Clarke: "Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying."

I don't know about you, but it really bugs me that people take it for granted that aliens don't exist. And I should perhaps abandon the use of the word "aliens" as it implies something something I don't mean to. You see, "aliens" to me can be any form of extra-terrestrial life, and it seems weirdly normal that extra-terrestrial life should not only be immeasurably more advanced than us, but it would also be playing around on our planet. Perhaps it is a perception too similar to the one we have of teenagers, wouldn't you agree? You give a teenager a smartphone with more CPU power than my first and second computer combined, and what he does is play Angry Birds in HD mode.

I guess what I'm saying is that it seems rather improbable, let alone impossible, that we are alone in the vast span of the whole Universe. Scientists have already discovered other planets with Earth-like features which would be suitable to support life as we know it. Life as we know it. Life as WE know it... Hmmmm...

What do we know about life? What IS life? Why are we considered alive and other things not? We do have organic chemistry, we do consider all life to be carbon-based, we give great weight to proteins and try to find traces of water on places very far away. But what if life does not exist only in the way we know it? What if there are other possibilities, other viable environments? What if other forms of life exist, forms we can't even perceive? It is common sense that we would not be able (probably) to interact with such a form of life with techniques currently available. Imagine an entity living in an environment completely devoid of oxygen and hydrogen, feeding off metal-based alloys and thriving on naturally occurring electricity discharges. 

I dare say that the basic compound of life as we know it is not carbon, it's electricity. Even if we are so different from "soulless matter", the soul itself is not contained in our material body. Otherwise, we would be immortal. Life ceases when the brain stops functioning, ultimately. And it can be caused by a variety of factors, but the result is one: no signals are conveyed, there is no flux of electrons, it's like we are out of battery.

So, if electricity is what makes us tick, why wouldn't it work on other environments as well? We only need oxygen so that the brain, our current functional headquarters, as well as every other subsystem, can meet the challenge of surviving in the state it has been created. There is nothing more to it. It just doesn't know anything different. What would happen, though, if it were created under different circumstances? Would it be able to contain electric charge and use it in a manner so that it could be classified as "alive"? 

It must be an old question, and Frankenstein is a proof for this.

What I want to say, in the end, is that perhaps we should keep an open mind.  Consider when people didn't know that the world is round. Consider when they didn't know that we revolve around the Sun, and not the other way round. I think we ought to have more than enough proof to make us consider our options twice, yet we seem to hold on to whatever we already know, and exclude new possibilities instead of examining them based on our knowledge.

This morning, as I said, I woke up in a strange mood, and started reading online about String Theory. For the theory to hold, it says, we need a space of higher dimension, namely 11, if I am correct. And everyone loses their mind.

I was TA in my time in University. Trying to explain in a Programming class what multi-dimensional arrays are, I confronted the limits of my colleagues  as well as mine. How does one understand what a multi-dimensional array is?

We all know what an array looks like. It's rows and columns, spanning for as many elements as we need. And we all know that this is a two-dimensional array. Then, how do we add a third dimension?

Well, I presume you've at least once worked with Microsoft Excel or a similar package. Have you noticed the small tabs indicating the spreadsheets? So, by going to a different sheet, you have a whole new table to work with. There you go, a third dimension.

If you add workbooks to that, you have another yet dimension: every book has its sheets, and every sheet has its own table.

What if we have a folder in which we keep the books for every year? Then we have another dimension.

I could go on, but I think you got the message. We need practical examples to be able to make things work in our heads, but sometimes it's not as complicated as it seems. We just need the right perspective, I guess. And perhaps the 11-dimensional space is not such a crazy theory, given our own limitations. We can't even directly see the whole spectrum of the light around us, let alone perceive the grandeur of the space that we live in!

But hopefully the people that prefer to use their intuition and put their minds to work will have better results than my random thoughts. I can only hope I've gotten you intrigued and not bored.

Random drops of rainy thoughts

Hey there. What's up with you on a rainy day like this?

I don't know, somewhere between the sore throat, the headache and the sips of tea from my lovely Winnie the Pooh cup, I felt like writing. So, if you're reading this, my guess is you have nothing better to do either.

The thing is, I haven't thought of a topic. There is nothing on my mind that I have to share or something deep or funny to say. It's just a state of boredom/idleness and this is some kind of a safety valve, an escape route, if you wish. So I suppose there's no harm in just blurting out anything that comes to mind.

Let's see... I was thinking about the weather. There was sun a few days ago, and there is so much water today, it feels like we're living through a different season. It's like Mother Nature is going through its menopause or something. One moment, everything is blooming with life, Spring is on our doorsteps, people bathe in sunshine (literally, there were people sunbathing the other day) and it almost seems like Winter is over. Then, the next day, you can almost hear Ned Stark's voice saying sternly "Brace yourselves, Winter is coming." Only that it's not coming, it's already here, and it has no intention to go away.

Then again, I was thinking about Summer. Seeing that it seems to forget us, it's only natural to think of it, right? So, I was thinking about it, and they were happy thoughts as much as they were scary. Scary, yes. I mean, Summer is the season when one goes to the beach, there is the sea, there are hot days in cool places, there are fewer clothes to wear... and that's just the scary thing. Well, scary in a relative manner. It's kinda intimidating, going to the beach and taking off one's clothes, revealing every little fridge-sin one has committed during the past months. And there are quite a bit of sins under my belt, I can tell you that. Yes, there is a pun there somewhere.

Anyway, they say it's the "inner beauty" that counts. Please, do tell me, when was the last time someone came to you and said "Wow, you look very pretty inside!". Kinda creepy, isn't it?

I truly believe there is such a thing, this "inner beauty". Someone would describe it as whatever one does when no one is watching. Others would say it's how you treat those who cannot do anything for you. Then again, there are those who sternly believe it's what you say, rather that what you do. But they don't really like to admit it. And I doubt they even realize it.

But on the topic of inner beauty, given that it exists in any form one wants to define it, it is still... inner. It cannot be seen until it is shown (that was deep, huh?). What we can see, on the other hand, is the outer beauty, the wrapping we come in. And it is not uncommon that the worst surprises come wrapped in the best wrapping paper. I should give and example here, but due to lack of ideas, I invite you to make one for yourself.

So, here comes a question. Should one present a face (we are talking general concepts here) that is not true in order to impress, or should one present one's real face? What is more, is one even capable of presenting a fake face? Or is it possible to present different faces due to the fact that we posses many (faces)?

Oh, this is bad... My headache is acting up...

On a non-related topic, I have a dog. His name is Odie. You know, like the dogie from Garfield. He's always jumping around and searching for something to gnaw on, very often it being my limbs. Be it my hands or feet, he will bite until I play with him for so long that he's exhausted and decides that breathing is as important as playing. When he wants something, he stands on his rear feet like a monkey and jumps around in circles, back and forth, crying and asking for attention. And when he gets none, he gets mad and puts up a fight.

He's kind of a dummy dog, he's small and spoiled, and he likes company. But the thing that's always surprising me is how friendly and cheerful he is. Even if I wake him up just to pet him, he will be happy and lick my hand. And when I yell at him for breaking something or eating my shoes, he will come back after a while, waving his tail and pretending as if nothing ever happened. And his greatest joy is going out for a walk. Simple as that.

There is nothing more to it, I just wanted you to know that I have a pet dog.

I used to have a small turtle. Then I had rabbits. Then pigeons. Then parrots. But dogs are way better for me. It would be somewhat awkward to wrestle with a pigeon. The dog, on the other hand, is just the right companion for that. And for you, cat lovers, a fight with a cat equals numerous scratches, and this doesn't really work for me. 

Useless stuff for today, I know. Pretty random as well. Oh, I hope you get over it! I have another cup of tea to make, so... until next time!

A new mind

So, here we are. A lot has changed since the last time I set on writing something here. First of all, now I have my Bachelor's degree, and people address me as "dottore". Feels pretty nice, actually, but still haven't quite got the feel of it.

It is strange, really, how life brings about events one would never even consider at previous moments. There are heartbreaking moments, moments of joy and laughter, silly and important glimpses of one's important persons' characters, and they all somehow seem to shape a future. There seems indeed to be order in chaos, for such seemingly unrelated events have the power to shape and twist and change the character and resolve of a person.

You know how there are some people you trust more than anything in the world, and you think to yourself "oh I am so lucky to have met this person!", and you have a great time, and you laugh and do all that stuff people do when they like someone. I mean, not like "romantically", it could well be on a friend-like level. And please don't give me the crap about the "friendzone", you know that you deserve it as well as I do. Anyhow, back to my train of thought: it really sucks when you figure out a person you really appreciate turns out to be... well... not the person you like. And you kinda lose a part of yourself, coming to the realization that you've been admiring someone who doesn't exist. Makes you feel a fool.

Then again, there is another way to thing of it. Since we are not one-dimensional beings, we have multiple faces, and our character is also multidimensional. We only get angry with the people we don't like, and we're usually happy around people who make us comfortable. So, why the change? How could a person go from +8 to -10?

The thing is that people change. Same as we do, others change as well. And it shouldn't come as a surprise, really. It's what we all do. Well, there are a few exceptions, but those who choose to not change or to change only "a bit" usually find themselves... how to put it... left behind, perhaps. Then again, in a world of continuous change, the constant could be considered a different state, therefore change. But this is a conversation for another moment.

So, we are led to believe that a person we like, cherish and appreciate is bound to remain unchanged, forever in a state we want? Just speak it out loud, and hear how foolish it sounds. And still, we do expect this from others. Well, here is another thing: if we suppose that a person remains the same, does not change one bit, are we prepared to do the same? Can you really stay the same for the entire duration of your life, never experiencing new things, never craving for something different, something... more? Because this is the only way you will ever be able to enjoy the company of a never-changing friend. Like two pebbles lying on a beach, living through the same sunrises and sunsets, patiently bathing in the salty water of the ocean, fading away day after day, grain after grain.

So when you think about it, it is only natural that people get along until a given time, and then they split up, right? It's not so unusual, and after thinking about it for a bit, it doesn't even seem illogical. Even if it sucks so bad.

A question that comes to mind is, how do you deal with it? Do you dwell on it, do you just move on, do you try to patch things up, what? I don't know. I honestly don't, and I think most people don't. The one thing I can say for sure is that the part you lose, that little grain, is never coming back. You could say it's a shame, but I say it's worth it. It is a way of reminding oneself why something is missing from that spot, and it holds the memory alive, lecturing and keeping us in check. It also helps us shine more brightly, for no diamond is left unpolished - they all need to lose a tiny small part of themselves so that they can show the world their true magnificence in full.

There are always those few that come into our lives and bring it all upside down. It's really weird, and we then experience the full power of the known law of Physics: for every action, there is a reaction of equal measure. The more this person influences us, the more we fight it, like it's some kind of plague. Until we realize that it's nothing but the wave, gently polishing away the tiny small particles. And it's making us uncomfortable, for we can then see that something was misplaced. And this is when one is led to thoughts as the ones you are kindly reading in this very moment. And thus it is that one realizes that for one to remain in one's life, there has to be change, compatible change. It is no use fighting the wave, it will eventually break the pebble down. Why not make the most of it instead?

And after ranting for quite some time, the point has come for me to close this chapter. What lies ahead is new and foreign, mysterious and challenging and exciting. Whatever comes, it shall be welcomed, because everything is OK in the end. If it's not OK, then it's not the end.